Breakup Advice-Maybe It Is Your Jealousy?

Some of the best breakup advice you can get is to examine your situation to see if one of the main problems is due to jealousy. More specifically, your jealousy.

Jealousy is the cancer of love. It can and will destroy any and all goodness to be found. Like it's cousin envy, jealousy has such a power that Soloman said it is as strong as death!

Very often, the one suffering from jealousy is convinced that the problem is caused by the behavior of their mate, so they feel justified. As long as this persists, jealousy will reign like a malevolent dictator. No amount of breakup advice will help until the one suffering from jealousy accepts responsibility for his own behavior.

What can be done about jealousy?

Because jealousy is deeply rooted in personal insecurity, you need to begin working on your own insecurities. It does no good to focus on your partner, you are the one who needs to change. Even if your partner does questionable things, you still need to focus on your own life.

The best breakup advice is to focus on your own life, here and now. When you feel those inner churnings of unrest, consciously say to yourself, “I need to focus on my own like, here and now.” It is amazing how powerful this can be.

How do you work on your own life?

Here is a great tool. Assuming that you are on a good communication level with your partner, you can do this exercise together. Ask her to tell you the 5 things she likes or loves the most about you. Then, you tell her the 5 things you like or love about her. You can even mention that you heard about this in connection with getting help for jealousy. Sounds simple, and it is. Yet, once you do this, several good things happen.

For one, she sees that you are interested in getting help for your problem. You might be surprised at the answers, which give you several areas to focus on. Most people talk about the things they don't like in the other, but now you have some positive areas to work on!

Now you realize that you have some qualities that she likes about you. This is certainly encouraging! For example, say she mentions your ability to have a conversation. Take this as an area to focus on. You might do some reading on subjects you two enjoy, or learn about something that you find interesting. You want to be an even better conversationalist.

She might say that she likes the way you are considerate of her. You are a gentleman. Ah, now you know what she likes and can become an even better man. This gives you confidence inside and will help you not to feel inadequate when she is with other men. You might still feel those twinges of jealousy, but because you are building up your own self-esteem, you trust that she can be friendly and still be truly yours.

Give her space to be herself

Your loved one is a unique person with the right to grow and develop as her own person. It is cruel to try and imprison her in your own little cage. It is like catching a beautiful butterfly and then pinning it to a board so you can keep it to admire. Now it is dead.

Do not be afraid to be honest with her. If she sees that you are truly working on your jealousy, she will be much more inclined to open up and share with you. Remember those 5 things and focus on those, not the real or imagined things that stir up jealousy. Most of the time jealousy is based on a false reading of the situation anyway, so let it go and trust her. If she is meant for you she will be there!

The best breakup advice is: Focus on your own life, here and now.